Let this be the first notice (at least as far as I know) of a new syndrome sweeping America called Hillaryonics, named of course after our current Democratic presidential frontrunner.
Hillaryonics, as I define it, is an irrational fear of foreigners, particularly their capital. It is the science, no make that the art, of looking back to that lovely time in America when unions got what they demanded, airlines were able to charge exorbitant fares with the assistance of government, and the American consumer was obliged to buy a car that cost too much, ran too little and was design challenged.
Hillaryonics is also characterized by excessive jealousy and/or fear of those who earned their wealth rather than inheriting it. As such the malady encourages one to take from the ugly rich, like investment bankers, and give to the beautiful poor, such as performance artists and ballerinas.
Hillaryonics also has been known to actually alter a person’s speech pattern and add or drop an accent depending on your latitude. The illness has even been found to modify one’s recollection of childhood. For example, during the latter stages of the disease, individuals who grew up in opulence have been known to discuss the shame of growing up in an economically segregated community and having to shop at the Wal-Mart for their back to school clothes.
Oddly, the symptoms of Hillaryonics disappear when in the presence of rich Hollywood types. Unfortunately, most of those infected with the disease do not have the resources to regularly travel to southern California to battle bouts of Hillaryonics.
What are the first symptoms of the disease? You may have early stage Hillaryonics if you find yourself: a) working shorter and shorter work weeks, b) placing your economic hopes on winning the lottery, c) writing in Hugo Chavez for president in the 2008 elections, and d) flying in a private jet to attend a rally castigating big business for their contributions to global warming. A remedy can be found in Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations or Milton Friedman's Free to Choose.